I was inspired to do this piece because one time I was at Subway and this guy came in. He said "Oi, mate, let me get a footlong! Me an' the lads are gonna have a bit of a bash at me flat!" I turned my head…it was John Lennon?! "John??!" I yelled in surprise. "I thought you died?" "Nah love," He said, turning his head to face me. "True legends never die. I've been trippin' balls in Argentina for the last three decades, you know, gettin' lit. I'm proper famished. Oi! Where's my sandwich you bloody tosser! I got places to be, I'm John bloody Lennon!" He pulled back his zebra-print shag carpet trench coat to reveal a broadsword inscribed with ancient hieroglyphs. "If ya don't speed it up I'll peel ya like a lemon!" I was panicking a bit by now. Obviously I didn't want to witness this, so I tried to diffuse the situation. “Hey Mr. Lennon, let’s not get too violent. We’re in a public area, you don’t need to attack the Subway worker.” “No, you don’t understand.” John turned to me, a serious look on his face. “I need to do this. That Subway attendee ain’t who he says he is. I’m not waiting in the queue any longer.” He pulled his broadsword from his sheath and, with expert accuracy, sliced the skin off the face of the minimum wage Subway worker. “Oh my GOD?!” I screamed. I expected to see blood gushing everywhere, but the face of the worker behind the counter just fell to the floor with a wet slap. I looked back up and realized what John was talking about. “Nice to see you again, John old pal,” Said the Subway employee in a sinister tone of voice. He wiped the mysterious white liquid off his face to reveal… “GOKU?!” “Yes, I admit it. I’m Goku. I should’ve known you were too smart to fall for my trap, John. But no matter. I’ll be destroying you – for good this time.” Goku, with lightning speed, then ripped off his Subway polo to reveal his ripped physique. It was hot. “Oi, let’s get to it Goku-senpai!” John then sliced the Subway counter in half. Stale tomatoes and pickles were sent flying into the air. It was obvious that he was aiming for Goku, but Goku was too quick. He dodged the attack and jumped up into the air, swallowing the airborne vegetables. I had just barely got out of the way when Goku’s first attack landed – he sent a ray of pure energy out from his palms and obliterated the walls of the restaurant. John dodged it too, and proceeded to kick several chairs in Goku’s direction. Goku broke them all in rapid succession. “You bastard,” John muttered. He pressed one of his hands to the hieroglyphs on his sword and read them aloud. The sword started to glow. “HA! You think you can beat me with that puny toy?” Goku laughed. “It ain’t just a toy, mate.” John said. Goku stopped laughing when he realized that the sword was changing. John let go of the handle and it levitated above his head, rapidly changing its form. The whole restaurant was bathed in white light. Customers screamed. Babies whimpered. Tomatoes jiggled. It was appalling and beautiful, beyond any kind of human comprehension. The light faded to reveal the true form of the sword…. ….. ….. ….. It was this painting of Mrs. Purtee! I was like “Wow! How cool! I’m so inspired!” and I immediately left the restaurant to go home and paint this in my bathroom. The End.
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Being disillusioned with the dark future prospects of my talentless life, I decided to depict the only light at the end of the tunnel: Jojo Siwa, influential musician, Youtube personality, dancer, and my personal choice for 2020 presidential elect. Pictured also is her dog, Bow Bow, and a unicorn. I was influenced by the LIsa Frank art style especially in the eye burning rainbow colors and unicorn. Miss Siwa is also doing that pose that old dudes always put Jesus in when they paint him. Jesus and Jojo start with the same letter, COINCIDENCE? I think not. Her proportions are off but you can tell its Jojo so as far as I'm concerned I succeeded. Not bad for my fourth oil painting? |
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