I was inspired to do this piece because one time I was at Subway and this guy came in. He said "Oi, mate, let me get a footlong! Me an' the lads are gonna have a bit of a bash at me flat!" I turned my head…it was John Lennon?! "John??!" I yelled in surprise. "I thought you died?" "Nah love," He said, turning his head to face me. "True legends never die. I've been trippin' balls in Argentina for the last three decades, you know, gettin' lit. I'm proper famished. Oi! Where's my sandwich you bloody tosser! I got places to be, I'm John bloody Lennon!" He pulled back his zebra-print shag carpet trench coat to reveal a broadsword inscribed with ancient hieroglyphs. "If ya don't speed it up I'll peel ya like a lemon!" I was panicking a bit by now. Obviously I didn't want to witness this, so I tried to diffuse the situation. “Hey Mr. Lennon, let’s not get too violent. We’re in a public area, you don’t need to attack the Subway worker.” “No, you don’t understand.” John turned to me, a serious look on his face. “I need to do this. That Subway attendee ain’t who he says he is. I’m not waiting in the queue any longer.” He pulled his broadsword from his sheath and, with expert accuracy, sliced the skin off the face of the minimum wage Subway worker. “Oh my GOD?!” I screamed. I expected to see blood gushing everywhere, but the face of the worker behind the counter just fell to the floor with a wet slap. I looked back up and realized what John was talking about. “Nice to see you again, John old pal,” Said the Subway employee in a sinister tone of voice. He wiped the mysterious white liquid off his face to reveal… “GOKU?!” “Yes, I admit it. I’m Goku. I should’ve known you were too smart to fall for my trap, John. But no matter. I’ll be destroying you – for good this time.” Goku, with lightning speed, then ripped off his Subway polo to reveal his ripped physique. It was hot. “Oi, let’s get to it Goku-senpai!” John then sliced the Subway counter in half. Stale tomatoes and pickles were sent flying into the air. It was obvious that he was aiming for Goku, but Goku was too quick. He dodged the attack and jumped up into the air, swallowing the airborne vegetables. I had just barely got out of the way when Goku’s first attack landed – he sent a ray of pure energy out from his palms and obliterated the walls of the restaurant. John dodged it too, and proceeded to kick several chairs in Goku’s direction. Goku broke them all in rapid succession. “You bastard,” John muttered. He pressed one of his hands to the hieroglyphs on his sword and read them aloud. The sword started to glow. “HA! You think you can beat me with that puny toy?” Goku laughed. “It ain’t just a toy, mate.” John said. Goku stopped laughing when he realized that the sword was changing. John let go of the handle and it levitated above his head, rapidly changing its form. The whole restaurant was bathed in white light. Customers screamed. Babies whimpered. Tomatoes jiggled. It was appalling and beautiful, beyond any kind of human comprehension. The light faded to reveal the true form of the sword…. ….. ….. ….. It was this painting of Mrs. Purtee! I was like “Wow! How cool! I’m so inspired!” and I immediately left the restaurant to go home and paint this in my bathroom. The End.
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Being disillusioned with the dark future prospects of my talentless life, I decided to depict the only light at the end of the tunnel: Jojo Siwa, influential musician, Youtube personality, dancer, and my personal choice for 2020 presidential elect. Pictured also is her dog, Bow Bow, and a unicorn. I was influenced by the LIsa Frank art style especially in the eye burning rainbow colors and unicorn. Miss Siwa is also doing that pose that old dudes always put Jesus in when they paint him. Jesus and Jojo start with the same letter, COINCIDENCE? I think not. Her proportions are off but you can tell its Jojo so as far as I'm concerned I succeeded. Not bad for my fourth oil painting? Grimace the Mcdonald's mascot speaks to me on a personal level. He seems like a goofy dude on the outside. He smiles but his eyes remain empty. Here Grimace is surrounded by a sea of Big Mac lettuce, representing the darkness of his mind. He stares toward an unreachable light in the distance. This was my second oil painting ever. I wanted to try a different style, with visible short brushstrokes. 4/2/2019 Suspiciously Happy Woman Hiding Various Household Items Behind A Blue Queen Sized Bedsheet That She Bought At Target For $20.99Read NowThis is a digital piece. I used Paint Tool Sai. I don't remember when I started this, it was probably in late February or something. I don’t know what to put here so I’m going to take you through my digital art process. To get inspiration for this piece, I sold all of my possessions and journeyed to Tibet, where I meditated with a group of Buddhist monks for four years. While I was there, I ate only Maruchan beef-flavored ramen noodles. I could only eat with my fingers, because those bastards at TSA wouldn’t let me take my fork on the flight with me. Anyways, while I was contemplating the shape of a piece of driftwood some random kid was messing with, it reminded me of the lovely fragility of the daisy – striking and instantly recognizable, yet daintily feminine in its round, pastel shape. This image overwhelmed me – I cried for two hours. I knew what I must do for my next art project. No more half-baked and frankly just sad attempts at recreating my great grandma in a medium I knew next to nothing about while sitting across from people my own age who could actually create great art. No more weird pencil tributes to bricklayers and hand fetishists. No more creating folding books, god no, anything but that. I would create something amazing true to my own soul, a work focusing on a subject that I am intimately care about. I would draw yet another hot lady. Genius. I immediately got to work. I pulled my tablet from under the molded-over pile of dirty laundry that had been built up over several decades in the corner of my room and plugged it in, at once feeling the power flow through my fingertips. The tablet pen materialized in my hands and I begun to furiously sketch my greatest masterpiece. It would be a hot lady, yes. But I would put a bold spin on my artistic niche – this hot lady would have FLOWERS IN HER HAIR. Da Vinci and Van Gogh rolled over in their graves – they knew they had been bested. I quickly picked some random colors that I thought would work. Pink and blue. WOW!!! REVOLUTIONARY!!!! Her dress would be white. WOW!!! REVOLUTIONARY!!!! She would be smiling. WOW!!! REVOLUTIONARY!!!! Now, the kicker. Her face would be angled slightly up towards the sky so that every feature would look really doofy and stupid because the person drawing her doesn’t know how to properly draw a human looking face, much less a face in perspective. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REVOLUTIONARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I put all the colors down, set the sketch layer to multiply, and merged layers. I added a bunch of random shading and light layers and merged everything. But alas – tragedy! I tried to clean up her left cheek and immediately lost interest in the piece. I clicked save and then went to play MarioKart DS. I figured since I literally never create finished art except in art class, it could be cool if I worked on it in class. I gathered up all my willpower and showed the unfinished image to Ms. Purtee for 0.2 seconds. To my horror, she suggested that I show my futile attempts at art to others… I promptly died. I am dead right now. The piece was never finished because I died. Just kidding, I don’t know why I’m even writing like this, but anyways, I finished cleaning up the piece over a two-week period, and then when I finished, I had to show it to everyone in the class. It was excruciating. I’m so sorry guys. I don’t know what I’m going to make now. But it’s not important because I have my Spongebob button to entertain me for the rest of time. Thanks. This was my first oil painting. It's of my great-grandma. Overall it wasn't that bad but there were a lot of areas I could have done better in. For example, the face is pretty wonky, and the background doesn't really fit. But I like how the flowers turned out, especially since I really hate drawing flowers. Hopefully my family won't be offended when I present this to them. This image symbolizes the feeling you get when its 2009 and you're trying to animate a Sonic AMV on Flipnote on your Nintendo DSi and listening to Nightcore on your iPod Nano while 144p anime clips from Youtube play on your computer but you don't really want to do any of those things because your older brother has been playing Call of Duty on the XBox 360 for 3 hours and you want to play Just Dance on the Kinect but he won't stop abusing 10 year olds on XBox Live and he's eaten all of your Tostitos and he hasn't changed out of his Nickelback shirt for 3 days and you're really angry but can't get him to let you play yourself so you pester your mom to force him to go outside or something and she's on the phone with someone from work so you wait in the doorway for 10 minutes and when she finally gets off you ask to make your brother stop playing Call of Duty and she asks you why can't you just play together and you say that's not how that works and she doesn't understand because she hasn't played a video game since she went to the arcade once in 1985 but she says yes you can play on the XBox but please tell your brother to make his bed so you run upstairs and burst into the TV room and accidentally knock over your brother's half-empty 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew and he turns around and rips off his Radioshack headset to ask why the hell you're in here and you say "Mom says it's my turn on the XBox".
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